There are not a lot of worse things in life than having to deal with a breakup from someone you love. Those feelings of hurt and confusion can be overwhelming and downright debilitating at times. The good news is that these feelings don’t have to last long and you can get your ex boyfriend back faster than you might think.
There are time tested, proven strategies that you can start implementing immediately to get him back regardless of your past with him and no matter what might have caused your breakup. You CAN learn to win him back and get him back for good. Trust me when I say we (men) are easier to win over than we let on to be.
It is the psychology of the male that you can tap into that will allow you to win back his affection. When done right, the success rates are truly staggering to say the least. Before you read any further, please watch the video to understand this process and really maximize your opportunities to win back the one you love. The ease of the strategies used and results may surprise you.
I hope that video provides some insight on what women are doing to win their man back all over the world. It’s hard to fathom just how important these steps are to follow until you actually implement them so you can see for yourself what kind of turnaround comes about. From what I have seen, the success rates are crazy!
First Thing is First, Understanding Emotions From Both Sides
Obviously, you’re hurt and so is he. It’s important that you remember that he is likely going through some of the same emotional responses that you are, albeit in a different manner. We all cope differently, it’s the human way. As you think about the steps you’re going to undertake in getting him back try to remain aware of the fact that he too is emotionally hurting and vulnerable, even if he doesn’t seem to be showing it.
There are some prehistoric things programmed into the male DNA that don’t allow for us to show emotion as easily as most women. Even though he may always seem calm, cool and collected when you interact, trust me when I tell you he’s dealing with the hurt just like you. He just has a different way of coping than you; a way of coping that is actually much more internal than external.
What you’re sharing with your girls he is more than likely just stomaching and telling the majority of his friends that everything is “all good.” He definitely remembers the good things about your relationship as well as the bad, we all do. The mood we are in when reflecting back is what controls the perspective. Meaning, if you can have him in a positive head space and not a negative one while you approach him looking for reconciliation, you’re much more likely to trigger memories of a pleasant nature rather then unpleasant memories.
This kind of setting of the emotional mood before the core of the conversation even begins is essential in ensuring that you have the best results in getting your boyfriend back. If you come from a positive place with positive intentions than it is more likely that you will be received in a positive manner. His natural emotional defenses, which have been heightened, and no doubt sharpened during the split, won’t be as guarded and the ease of conservation and presence that you two have known can easily be fallen back into, creating a subconscious sense of connection which naturally lowers the remaining emotional defenses. From there things kind of snowball downhill in a good way.
So really be aware of your state of mind, emotion and attention before you pick up the phone to call him or text him. If you’re wound up, pissed off, or even in a completely opposite state of sadness and vulnerability, do yourself a HUGE favor and just give it some time until you’re more calm, cool and collected.
Most relationship experts say to use the “no contact” rule for 30 days. But honestly, this is something that should vary between relationships. No one will be able to tell you exactly how long to cool down before you try to contact him, but just be sure again that you are cool and collected…and you’ll also want to make sure your ex is just as cool and collected. So take the time to do this. As much time as it takes.
It’s these subtle and healthy approaches that can make all the difference in whether your tactics will be successful or not.
Win Him Back No Matter What Happened
This is important. You can’t approach the process of winning him back lightly. If you’re not 100% committed and truly know you want him back, then none of the words on this page will carry you across the finish line. You’re going to have to both emotionally and intellectually commit to this plan for it to have its proven results. Plan it out. Use your due diligence and know what to say, when to say it.
Once you’re set and committed and know you want him back and that he truly deserves you back, and both of your lives are much more enriched because of the relationship, then there is nothing at all that should hold you back. You really, really, really can win him back no matter how bad things might seem.
Here are 4 very important psychological implications to keep in mind when trying to reframe your approach to the situation:
- Don’t discount his hurt and his concerns and issues. Too often we just dismiss what our significant other says as being not the way things are, not reality. But every thought and especially every emotion has a basis and a personal truth. To him these things are worth addressing and are bothersome and if you truly love him you should be ready to listen, process and react to what he says when he is coming from an emotionally open and honest place. It’s hard for anyone to speak from those personal places and every effort should be commended as such.
- To truly win him back you are going to have to win him over emotionally, intellectually and physically. Think about the things in those areas that you know he likes. Try to imagine what you have to offer as he would. Get inside his head a little and give him some of the flavor you know he craves and loves. You know him, use that inside knowledge as a tool.
- The very subtle nuances in approach, tone of voice, and a host of other factors all greatly affect how we will be perceived. There are ways to subtly manipulate people’s perceptions of us and even affect how they perceive events and situations. To bring about fond memories as opposed to the vinegary hurtful ones. It’s really just simple science and a revolutionary movement in studying human interaction called emotional charting. If you’ve been doing your research than you’re no doubt familiar with the term. That’s all this simple method is based on. Proven science.
- We can all be the master of our own domains. It’s just a matter of thinking differently and reframing certain things in ways that allow us to communicate emotionally in a much more efficient fashion. It’s comparable to learning a new language, say Spanish or French. But this language is emotional and you need a different kind of eyeglasses to speak this fluently.
Frequently Asked Questions:
Question: What if I Caught Him Cheating?
Answer: There are some serious questions you must ask yourself if the reason of your breakup was because you cheated on him OR he cheated on you. You’ll need to do some serious soul searching and ask yourself why you cheated or why did he cheat?
Cheating can be done just to spite someone, for revenge, or cheating can be a pure addiction that is tough to control. We’ve all heard the old adage, “Once a cheater, always a cheater”. I don’t necessarily buy into that and I firmly believe that anyone can change, but again it all comes down to both parties of the relationship. You both have to want to change. And you both need to openly communicate and make sure that your relationship is always on the path you want it to be on.
Question: How Do I Respond or Win Him Back Through Texting?
Answer: It is possible to use texts to win back the love and affection of your ex man. Texts, when done the right way, can convey exactly what you need to convey without giving off any negative signs that could unintentionally happen with a face to face or phone call.
On the other hand, texting the wrong things at the wrong times could royally EF things up! Again, it comes down to your disposition. Give it time to make sure you and your ex boyfriend are in relaxed, chilled states.
Once you feel things have calmed down, then you can send a subtle text to get your foot in the door. Focus on something positive that might remind you of the good times you had. But, this is important, it HAS to be mutual! You want it to draw a positive memory from his memory banks. Not just yours, otherwise the text will miss it’s target.
Example…if you both equally enjoyed Italian foods and hit up different Italian eateries obsessively together. It would work to send a subtle text about a certain Italian restaurant you just ate at or are eating at and that it reminded you of him.
Then you wait.
Once the text is sent, only wait for a reply. Do not keep texting him back until he answers you. If you don’t get a reply, that is fine. It may be just that he wasn’t expecting a text from you and he doesn’t know how to respond.
If you don’t get a reply for 2 days, then it’s probably safe to try again, using the same advice above.
For more information about texting your ex back, GO HERE.
Question: What About if He’s Moved On and Has A New Girlfriend?
Answer: It’s obviously going to be a bit trickier, but possible nonetheless. First do no harm. Meaning, don’t do something stupid that you will regret. Something like acting out in rage or having an emotional breakdown thinking all hope is lost. It’s not.
However, if your boyfriend cheated on you with this girl, you may seriously want to rethink what you are getting yourself back into. If this is your case, trust me when I say it would be in your best interest to move on. Time heals a lot of things, and I can just about guarantee that if given enough time, you’ll come to realize that moving on was the right choice to make.
If you broke up with him, there was a mutual break or even if you cheated on him, you can no doubt work to get him back, even if he has a current girlfriend.
The key here is to use your advantages to win him over again. New relationships are tough. It’s not always easy to learn all there is to know about someone. Even feeling comfortable around a new someone can take some time. This being said, him making a move BACK to you is much, much easier. And a lot of men are lazy and generally opt to take the easiest path possible. All you have to do is make that path an option.
Question: What if He Hates Me?
Answer: Go over all of the information in this article, then re-read it. That’s how you do it.
Seriously. If he hates you, you just have to make him not hate you. Actions speak louder than words, so understand that it will take time and you will have to show him you’ve changed.
Don’t be over-the-top in flooding your ex with dating requests, but put yourself out there and apologize often. Go out of your way to do something he will appreciate. And again, let him know you screwed up.
Don’t push. Be subtle with your approach and give it time.
Question: It’s Been a Long Time, Can I Still Get Him Back?
Answer: Yes, yes and yes! The real question is how did you guys breakup, how long ago, and what is your current relationship like? Answers to those questions will give you a better idea on how much work is going to be required on your end.
It would be my advice to use your old relationship as a comfort position, but start over with anything else. Treat it like you were chasing after someone new you like. Don’t try to force him to rush right back into it.
Start new. Have a serious conversation about what happened, why you broke before and how things now are going to be different. Then wipe slates clean and treat the relationship like your first love again.
Don’t overthink it, no matter how long it’s been. If you love him and want to win back his love, I say go for it!
I sincerely hope this information helps you out. Coming from a man’s perspective I can say that we too know the angst of breakups and how it can shatter even the strongest of men and women.
Stay strong. Time will help so do all you can to occupy that time in the most productive manner possible.
The absolute best advice I can give is to give yourself some real time to heal after a breakup. If you want to get your ex boyfriend back, it is imperative that you are in the right state of mind before you act on anything.
— Mika Osborne